Deluded Simon Porter dreams of passing his medical exam and becoming a doctor - but by starting at the bottom, and becoming the best porter the NHS has ever seen. All he has to do is survive a few months grafting in a hospital basement and try not to kill any of the patients. How hard can that be?Ed must work alongside the cynical, self-styled "Queen of the Porters" Frankie, and naïve nurse Lucy.
A new Porter, Anthony, is in town as, unknown to Frankie and Simon, Tillman has headed off temporarily to a religious retreat. Anthony and Frankie have form and find themselves instantly in conflict when he tries to take a cut of her blackmarket perfume empire. Will he last the week? Meanwhile, Lucy presents Simon with a huge engagement ring – the ultimate nightmare, Dr McKenzie has proposed! Simon is a broken man but then secretly spots Dr McKenzie kissing another woman in the hospital. Things take a strange turn when it emerges the mystery woman is actually Dr McKenzie's sister…or is she?
Mr Pradeep spends a day as a Porter for charity. Simon's awe at his God-like power as a Surgeon unwittingly causes Mr Pradeep to have a fatal loss of nerve and hand in his notice just as he's about to operate on the husband of a Hospital Board director. Can Frankie and Simon get him back on track? Meanwhile, a woman dressed as an orc is admitted to the hospital with an extreme allergic reaction. No-one can work out why she continues to deteriorate until she comes into contact with Frankie and starts to scream. Does Frankie have a secret cosplay identity she's never shared with anyone at the hospital?
Simon's first night shift coincides with Halloween and an escaped prisoner roaming the wards - will he and Frankie survive?
Youtube megastars Ham and Cheese arrive at the hospital and start making a series of "humorous" videos about the life-saving heart op one of them is about to have. Simon spills coffee over an expensive new surgical robot.
Simon becomes a sperm donor to raise cash, which causes him to fear the unthinkable when his mum and her new boyfriend come to the hospital for infertility treatment. A coma patient wakes up but thinks she is still a child.
It's the annual Hospital Emergency Simulation Incident Day, but after being accidentally knocked out Simon wakes up in the middle of a real disaster. Meanwhile, Frankie goes for a secret job interview.
Wannabe doctor Simon Porter works as a hospital porter, but a mix-up forces him to pose as a real medic.
Simon offers a kidney to a transplant patient in order to impress Lucy.